High EQ Strategies for Defusing a Situation with Difficult Customers

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No matter how good your business or customer service level is, your ability to competently and confidently defuse situations with “difficult” customers is critical to the ongoing success of your organisation and the level of enjoyment you get from your role. With the ubiquity of social media, bad news gone viral can severely dent an organisation’s reputation and bottom line. Check out this story (“United breaks guitars”) and related video for one such example. Within 4 days of this video being posted online, United Airlines’ stock price fell 10%, costing stockholders about $180 million in value! Mastering and Leading Change Is your organisation going through change? How is this affecting morale? Empowering your staff with practical tools and strategies to cope with the emotional aspects of change is one of the best investments you’ll make in your people and helping your organization realize the positive benefits the change is intended to deliver. Contact us about our talks and training on Mastering and Leading Change. Here are seven high EQ strategies for handling situations with difficult customers (note: I think you’ll find some of these strategies equally useful for dealing with staff, peers, managers and even family members!)
  1. Turn on your Self-Awareness and check in on your thoughts. What do you think about your customers? If words like “difficult”, “unmanageable”, “unreasonable”, “impossible” or possibly something even stronger are pop up, chances are your customer will live up to your expectations.

    Our mind has the habit of focusing on evidence to prove that it’s right. The problem with this thinking is that it takes our attention away from what’s “likeable”, “reasonable” or “helpful” about the same customer. Have the attitude that it’s better to have difficult, vocal customers than apathetic ones who either bad-mouth your organization without your knowledge or simply take their business elsewhere without giving you an opportunity to understand, clarify and resolve a situation!

  2. It takes courage and energy for your customer to offer you feedback. Knowing what their perception is of your business will give you the opportunity to resolve the situation and further elevate your customer service levels. In other words, make it a habit to focus on “what’s great” about your customers. Your customer will feel your gratitude in their interaction with you. This alone can go a long way towards defusing a difficult situation.

  1. Stay calm when in the presence of a vocal, irate customer. Don’t take criticism All of us have said things we don’t mean when we’re annoyed or feeling resourceful. Take a deep breath. Show concern, not worry, through your body language. Be careful not to smile or appear patronising. When your customer is unhappy, chances are his or her need for certainty (a very basic human need) isn’t being met at that moment. Your customer’s response is simply his or her habitual strategy for creating certainty. Having someone in their presence that exudes calm confidence can have a very reassuring effect on them. Just keep breathing in normally and stay present and in the moment.

  2. Empathise with the emotions they are going through. Be an attentive and active listener. You may not agree with what’s being said but acknowledging your customer for the right they have to feel the way they feel is powerful rapport building. When a customer is being difficult, chances are the trust capital with your organization is low. Make establishing rapport with this customer a priority. Stephen R Covey (author of “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”) suggests that we listen not just with our ears but also with our eyes and our heart.Just keep breathing in normally and stay present and in the moment.

  3. Thank them for caring enough to bring the problem up to you directly for your attention. They could have taken actions that are far more detrimental to your organization – acknowledge them for their open-ness, courage and effort to give you an opportunity to remediate or clarify the situation. This is often the last thing you’ll feel like doing when you feel like you’re being attacked. Know that this is often also the last thing your customer is expecting you to do. The “surprise factor” from this action can often defuse a volatile situation and when done sincerely, can be a giant step towards establishing rapport.

  4. Listen without interrupting the customer. Nod and maintain eye contact to show you’re really listening. Sometimes, all that’s required to defuse a volatile situation is a sincere apology. Paraphrase in your own words what you’ve heard e.g. “I’m sorry this situation has contributed to your frustration. What I’m hearing is that you are very disappointed that you’ve had to call us numerous times about your order and that your problem has not received the attention it deserves. I can see how annoying this has been for you.”

  5. Take charge. Do not let a negative situation get out of hand. Be responsive and decisive without being rash. If this is a face-to-face situation and your customer’s behaviour is having an adverse impact on your other customers, gently but firmly direct your customer to focus on solutions, rather than allow them to keep ranting on about the problem. For instance, you might say “OK, I am with you in focusing on a solution to the issues you have raised. May I offer you a couple of options?” Involve a senior supervisor if appropriate – he or she will often have access to resources that can compensate or at least placate the customer in some way. This act also communicates to the customer that he or she is important.

  6. If you are receiving an emotional tirade in writing, respond quickly to reassure your customer that you have received their communication. If you don’t have a plan of action to convey, give them the plan for the plan i.e. let them know what you intend to do produce a timetable and action plan. Create certainty in times of uncertainty.

  7. Communicate and get agreement to a clear plan of action. When you’ve heard their views and come up with options, tell them calmly what you can do about it, what your constraints might be and what the proposed next step will be from your end. Importantly get their agreement to this action plan. You might say for instance “OK, here’s what we could do. Option 1 is we could wait for our technical issues to be resolved and then for me to get back to you on when you will receive the product you ordered. Given what you’ve been through, this might not be the best option. Option 2 is for me to send you the product tomorrow with the understanding that when you get the next bill, there might be some discrepancy in your billing. You can safely disregard those discrepancies because they’ll be due to limitations with our systems at the present moment. If such a situation arises, I will be calling you to reassure you that you will not be debited for any charges that are unwarranted. Would this solution be acceptable to you and if so, would it be your preferred option?”.In short, our business exists and sustains itself by creating value for our customers. For a variety of reasons, there will inevitably be situations where our organization’s performance falls short of a customer’s expectations. The strategies we deploy in these key moments form our customers’ perceptions about our branding and effectiveness. Having the emotional strength to stay positive, empathetic and solutions oriented when faced with pressure is a start. Being confident to take change of a situation and then demonstrate your commitment to make your customer’s life better will help you earn the respect of your customer. Importantly, applying your emotional intelligence and making the creation of a positive customer experience a key priority can only positively enhance the level of enjoyment you get from your role.

Make this the most outstanding day you deserve!

Andrew Davey

Andrew is a Master Trainer and Executive Coach known for helping organisations shift from transactional leadership to emotionally intelligent cultures. A Tony Robbins Mastery graduate, Certified Life Coach, and MBA holder, he empowers leaders to unlock clarity, resilience, and purpose.

Dominic Siow

Co-founder and EQ Alchemist at EQ Strategist, Dom has inspired leaders and transformed cultures across 260+ organisations in 10 countries. He is the author of the Amazon best-seller *What’s GREAT About This?* and host of the *Inspiring Leadership* podcast.

Sue Siow

Co-founder and Director of EQ Strategist, Sue is known for her calm presence, strategic clarity, and deep empathy. With a background in information systems and advanced leadership training, she has supported leadership journeys for global clients across Asia-Pacific.

Caroline Crosbie

Caroline is a sought-after trainer and psychologist based in Perth, delivering experiential leadership and wellbeing programs. With expertise in resilience, work-life integration, and communication, she helps leaders sustain performance while leading with care, clarity, and balance.

Vivien Ong

Vivien is a seasoned facilitator and coach with 20+ years of corporate leadership experience. She specialises in mindful leadership, communication, and team dynamics, creating vibrant, high-trust learning environments where individuals step into leadership with clarity and voice.

Dale White

Dale is a high-impact leadership and performance coach with 19+ years of experience across government, corporate, and education. Known for his energy and practical insight, he helps leaders align strengths with strategy to drive sustainable, high-performance outcomes.

Vivien Ong

Vivien Ong is a seasoned leadership facilitator, coach, and trainer known for helping professionals grow into self-aware, courageous and impactful leaders. With over 20 years of corporate experience in sectors such as banking, telecommunications, BPO, and media,

Vivien brings a strategic yet deeply human lens to leadership development. At EQ Strategist, she facilitates programmes in mindful leadership, communication, psychological safety and team dynamics. Celebrated for her vibrant facilitation style, she combines energy, empathy, and practical insight to spark meaningful dialogue where learning and growth happen. She also mentors youth through a social enterprise and serves in the leadership team at the

Contact Centre Association of Singapore, where she advocates for better leadership and service standards. Her work is rooted in the belief that better leadership builds a better world. Through storytelling, behavioural tools, and reflective practice, she helps individuals step into leadership with presence, clarity, and voice. Vivien’s clients value her ability to create high-trust environments where people feel seen, heard, and empowered to lead from within.

Caroline Crosbie

Caroline is a sought-after trainer and psychologist who brings warmth, depth, and structure to leadership and wellbeing programmes. At EQ Strategist, she delivers experiential learning focused on resilience, work-life integration, and effective communication. Her academic background includes a Master of Clinical Psychology and certifications in Extended DISC, NLP, and EFT. Caroline’s clients appreciate her thoughtful approach to coaching and her ability to simplify complex psychological principles into actionable steps. With professional experience in five countries, she brings a culturally attuned perspective to her facilitation. Her goal is to help individuals and teams sustain performance without burning out—leading with insight, care, and clarity.

Dale White

“Real transformation doesn’t come from more information—it comes from aligned action.”

Dale White is a high-impact, outcome-focused leadership and performance coach, known for his energy, strategy and ability to drive real change. With 19+ years of experience helping professionals perform at their highest potential & a background in business, behavioural psychology, and high-performance coaching, Dale supports leaders to build clarity, confidence, and resilience in both work and life. At EQ Strategist, Dale facilitates training & coaching that blend behavioural insight, personal mastery, and practical implementation. His sessions are known for being dynamic, personalised, and results-focused – ensuring participants take real-world action that sticks. Dale holds degrees in Business and Exercise Science, and certifications in NLP, PCM, and Robbins Leadership Mastery. Whether supporting government departments, corporate leaders, guiding frontline teams or values-driven founders, Dale’s mission is to help people cut through theory and lead with purpose.

Jack Rankin

Jack Rankin is a high-impact trainer, executive coach, and culture catalyst with over 1,500 workshops delivered globally. His client portfolio includes leading names across government, finance, insurance, construction, and retail. At EQ Strategist, Jack helps organisations strengthen leadership capability, stakeholder alignment, and communication excellence. He is known for making learning engaging and actionable—tailoring each session to drive meaningful outcomes. His past clients include Singapore Airlines, Rio Tinto, Visa Westfield, Nike, Schneider Electric, and City of Parramatta Council. Jack is a Tony Robbins Leadership Mastery graduate and serves on the Synergistic Results Leadership team. Through each programme, he inspires individuals to elevate how they speak, lead, and influence.

Sue Siow

With a heart for people and a sharp strategic lens, Sue Siow co-founded EQ Strategist to help individuals and organisations flourish from the inside out. As Operations Director, she ensures the seamless delivery of high-impact programs while supporting clients with insight, empathy, and practical wisdom.

In addition to leading operations and client experience, Sue is also a skilled Facilitator and Participant Coach—contributing to larger workshops through 1-on-1 coaching, small group facilitation, and experiential team-building segments. Her calm, grounding presence invites reflection, trust, and personal growth.

With a background in Information Systems and advanced training from Tony Robbins’ Mastery University, Sue has supported programs across Singapore, Australia, Malaysia, China, and Indonesia for clients including Sembcorp, Esker, DBS Bank, Changi Airport Group, FedEx, Yokogawa, and AirAsia.

Dominic Siow

“Be the light or the mirror that reflects it.”

These words define Dominic Siow’s approach to life and leadership. As a globally recognised leadership facilitator, keynote speaker, coach, and co-founder of EQ Strategist, Dom is known for helping people reconnect with their purpose, lead with heart, and create cultures where everyone can thrive.

Drawing on senior leadership experience from IBM and Grapevine Technologies, he has spent the past two decades empowering over 260 organisations across 10 countries—from multinational corporations to public sector agencies and values-driven startups.

Dom’s facilitation style is equal parts insight, empathy, and inspiration. Whether leading a leadership retreat, designing a culture transformation program, or coaching executives through complexity, he helps people become not just better leaders, but better human beings.

He is the author of the Amazon bestselling book What’s GREAT About This?—a guide to building resilience through disruption—and the host of the Inspiring Leadership Podcast, where he shares real stories of growth and grit.

For Dom, leadership is not about titles. It’s about helping others find their light—and reflecting it back so they can shine.

Andrew Davey

At EQ Strategist, Andrew Davey is known for helping organisations move from transactional leadership to purposeful, emotionally intelligent cultures. As a master trainer and trusted coach, he brings a rare blend of business insight, coaching expertise, and facilitation mastery. Andrew’s clients span industries from logistics and software to government and education. He is a Tony Robbins Mastery University graduate, a Certified Life Coach, NLP Master Practitioner, and MBA holder. His mission is to empower leaders to unlock clarity, strengthen resilience, and lead inspired teams that drive results. Andrew delivers programs that are practical, energising, and deeply human—enabling sustained transformation at both the individual and organisational level.