During times of uncertainty, your capacity to draw certainty from within can be the difference between a fearful, anxiety-filled experience to one that’s positive and empowering. Some call this “faith”. Others label this “optimism”. I have learned it is a trait of those most resilient.
In this article, I’ll share an anecdote that illustrates a process I use to prepare myself mentally, emotionally and spiritually to be in a peak state before I take on any challenge. In this article, I will make references to “God” – please substitute these references with your preferred term for that “infinite peace”, “divine energy”, “life” or “universe” that exists in the space between our thoughts.
Two months ago, I had my first cataract procedure. I was well-informed before-hand. Both my optometrist and ophthalmologist had outlined the benefits, risks, the risk management plan and the pre, during and post process with objectivity and clarity. I intellectually got it. Yet, whilst I was generally confident about what I was to experience, I was also aware that my mind could not help but wander into the ‘what if’ territory on the days leading up to the first surgery.
The morning of the procedure, my wife Sue drove me to the hospital. During the 15-minute drive in, I closed my eyes, took a few deep breaths and for a few seconds, placed all my attention to my breathing. Starting from my forehead all the way down to my toes, I consciously relaxed every muscle to release any tension I was feeling, all the while remaining focused on the sensation of the breath as it entered my nostrils, filled my lungs and expanded my belly. I got into the quiet space between my thoughts, which is where I consciously connected to God’s loving energy and presence.
I silently affirmed “With You by my side, there is nothing I shall fear. Thank You for being with me every step of the way.” I then spent a few moments diving into my memory bank to reflect on and express thanks for all the times I knew God had been there.
I thought of my first year at school, where I had been a victim of bullying and woke up every morning dreading school. Though it didn’t feel that way then, I realise now that God had been there, and so had my parents. In hindsight, I realised I had not been “alone” in those moments. My parents had been the “angels sent from above”. And I felt grateful.
I revisited the first and only birthday party my parents had organised for me as a kid. I was eight. I recalled vividly marvelling at the amazing “train-shaped” cake topped with Smarties that Mum had lovingly made me. Again, God’s angels were there – in the physical form of all those who had been present and made me the center of attention that day.
I felt the triumph of my first major badminton win, the Under-15 State singles title when I had been the underdog. I thought of Dad, Mel (my opponent that day who happens to also be one of my best friends) and other friends who had come along to cheer me on. And I felt their love.
I reminisced about the day I left Malaysia for Sydney, the family and friends who were there to send me off and who had journeyed with me to this foreign land and the miracle my life has been ever since. In that time of uncertainty, I saw them now as angels who came to give me assurance.
To my surprise, my reflections then took me to what had been the saddest day of my life.
It was a few days before Sue and I were to be married. As overseas students who couldn’t previously afford to fly home for vacations, Sue and I had made our first trip home in Seremban, Malaysia to celebrate our union with our loved ones. Given the occasion, both my younger brothers Gary and Ben, who at that time were also studying in Sydney had also made the trip home.
That day, my brothers, Dad and I sat at our family lounge and broke the news to Gary that he was not returning to Australia to resume his studies. For the two years preceding that day, Gary had battled with mental illness. His behaviour had radically shifted in ways that we could not understand at that time – erratic mood swings, trains of thought that were incoherent and antisocial behaviour that was so unlike the “kind, quiet, intelligent and determined” Gary we had always known.
The late Father Paul Stenhouse, MSC who had become a dear confidante and who was far wiser in such matters had counselled us that highly stressful situations, like the pressure of university studies in an unfamiliar setting was not conducive to Gary’s recovery. In that family meeting, my Dad broke the news to Gary that he wasn’t returning to Australia to complete his studies. Pulling the plug on Gary’s university education would have been one of the hardest decisions my parents would ever have had to make.
To say that Gary did not take the pronouncement well is an understatement. He raged at how we were all conspiring against him, that we were the ones who were unwell and accused me of not making time to help him with his studies. I felt I had let my parents down – when they’d entrusted me to look after one who was so precious to them, I had failed them.
I remember not being able to hold back the tears, running out of the house, getting into the car and just driving off. And who came running after me? My Dad. At that moment, he was more worried about me than of my brother or the future that lay ahead for him and Mum. I remember him apologising that I had to go through all of that, and just a few days before what should have been the happiest day of my life. I know now that God was with me too in the form of that amazing man, and I felt only gratitude, not just for what happened, but how it has all turned out.
I thought of the births of each of my three extraordinary children. Days that filled me with gratitude and wonderment – at the miracle of life.
I thought of that day in 2001 that I lost 30% of my team to an organisational restructureand the two dark years that ensued. And how Sue and my young family had been with me all throughout that journey. And God was there too. Guiding me softly and gently.
And that day when I was inspired to leave IBM to pursue my calling as a corporate coach. God’s angel that day came in the form of Sue. Instead of projecting fear and uncertainty, she helped me understand what it meant to have someone be the “wind beneath my wings” through four simple reassuring words “Let’s do this together”.
As I reflected, I appreciated even more that God had always been there. And all those times, both the highest highs and lowest lows in my lives, were just expressions of Love because everything in the blessed, abundant life I get to lead today is possible because of all those moments and everything in between. And how was God there? In the physical form of the “angels” God had sent – my parents, Sue, kids and all the other wonderful people who had been present and had journeyed with me.
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“No, I never saw an angel, but it is irrelevant whether I saw one or not. I feel their presence around me.”
– Paulo Coelho
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We arrived at the hospital. I emerged from my meditative state – feeling deeply grateful and at peace. I said a silent thank you to God for always being there and for all the angels in my life. I went through the doors, did the Covid-19 QR code scan to register my visit and after the admissions process, was greeted by a nurse who welcomed me and took my temperature. I smiled at her through the mask I was wearing, thanked her and asked “What’s your name?”
“Angel”, she said. I felt silent tears well up. I could literally hear God saying “I am here with you.”
I went through the procedure that day without a shred of doubt that regardless of the outcome, everything would turn out just fine. It went without a hitch and I couldn’t be more grateful for the outcome. Just as importantly, the process I went through to prepare myself mentally, emotionally and spiritually for the endeavour and the resulting outcome has deepened my faith and optimism even more.
In summary, the next time you’re feeling anxious about any challenge you’re facing, set aside time to prepare yourself mentally, emotionally and spiritually using this process:
- Find a quiet spot and start by taking a few deep breaths
- As you take each breath, focus on the air as it enters your nostrils, and makes it way all the down to your belly, holding it for a brief second before exhaling
- Starting from the top of your head, feel yourself relaxing every muscle, all the while focusing on breathing normally
- Gradually make your way downwards, relaxing the tension from your face, shoulders, upper body, arms, abdomen, thighs and down to your toes
- Reflect on the question “What’s been great about my life?” and for each spontaneous response, ask “what was great about that?”
- Magnify the intensity of the empowering emotions that emerge
- Repeat this cycle continue for about 10 minutes
- As you open your eyes, take note of how you feel
“Leaders create certainty in times of uncertainty”
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Know that all you need to overcome fear, anxiety and doubt is already within you. This includes when you feel the need, the resourcefulness, humility and courage lean on others who have your trust and who will only be too honoured to be present for you, as you would for them.
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